深圳专业翻译公司华博译漆经理整理发布
(二) 句子结构。
英语句子结构紧凑严密,常用各种形式手段连接词语、分句,注重显性连接,注重句子的形式和完整。汉语不像
英语那样大量使用结构词(连词、介词等) ,造句时少用或不用形式连接手段,注重隐性连贯,注重逻辑顺序。有时,汉语句与句之间乃至一句内部各成分之间究竟是什么关系并不明显,
翻译时颇费斟酌。但是,采用形式连接手段的句子是否就一定能译好呢? 请看下文:
原文:江南,秋当然也是有的;但草木凋得慢,空气来得润,天的颜色显得淡,而且又时常多雨而少风。
译文1 :There is autumn also south of the Yangtze , of course. But there the grass and trees takemore time to wither , the air is moist and the sky is pale. There is frequent rain and less wind. [3 ] (P18)
译文2 :There is of course autumn in the South too , but over there plants wither slowly , the air ismoist , the sky pallid , and it is more often rainy than windy. [4 ] (P1209)
译文3 : There is also autumn in the south but the grass there fades rather slowly and the air ismoist . The sky seems pale there and it rains quite often and the wind seldom blows. [5 ] (P1327)
从上下文来看,作者是在拿“江南的秋”和“故都的秋”作比,翻译原文中的三个形容词“慢”、“润”和“淡”时要考虑用比较级。虽然从传递信息的角度看,译文1 是忠于原文的, “草木凋得慢(the grass and trees take more time to wither) ”也译得极好,但与原文结构有距离。可能是理解上的原因,把形容词moist 和pale 前表示比较的more 省略了,其实,more 是不应该省的,否则,原文那种节奏紧凑、一气呵成的韵味全无。译文2 和译文3 也存在这种情况,并出现一些瑕疵。试改译原文如下:
Of course there is also autumn south of the Yangtze. But there the grass and trees take more time towither , the air is moister , the sky paler and it is often more rainy and less windy.
