深圳专业翻译公司华博译漆经理整理发布
至于比较修辞， Kaplan 教授关于汉英话语模式特征的论点引发了大量关于比较文化 / 思维有价值的研究。这个领域仍然方兴未艾。就中国人写英文而言，我们现在找到了一个比葛老习惯法更好的分析手段，从而更为有效地说明为什么很多句子在篇章层面都过了关，结果仍然类似 colorless green ideas sleep furiously 之类的句子，是非法无效的陈述。
比较修辞这个领域是如此新颖，深遽而又充满着 “ 陷阱 ” 和 “ 假朋友 ” （ faux amis ）以致许多 ” 老手 ” 都不敢掉以轻心，我们不妨做个小试验，请各位读者判断下面的例子是对还是错（错在什么地方）（ 42 ）（ 2001 ： 292/297 ）：
例 1 、我们国家已能用仅仅占世界百分之七的耕地，养活占世界百分之二十二的人口，使十一亿人民基本解决温饱问题
China has managed to feed 22percent of the world's total population with only 7 percent of the world's cultivated land ,hence it has solved the problem of food and clothing for its 1.1billion people.
例 2 、 1953 年英美两国计划对中国援朝部队使用原子弹，并准备用核武器进攻中国。当这个消息由第三国外交官转告北京时，新中国的领导人深感忧虑，立即做出建立和发展原子弹和导弹事业的决定。
In 1953,the US and Britain planned to use atomic bomb against Chinese aiding troops in Korea and to attack China with nuclear weapons. When the news was transferred to Beijing from diplomatic sources of a third country ,the leaders of new China felt deeply worried and immediately decided to develop atomic bomb and missile cause.
比较修辞研究认为例 1 错在汉
英语对背景知识和主要信息采用不同等级语言形式处理。汉语对类似原因，条件等背景信息没有什么特别要求。而后者对主要信息则要求必须用独立句子，背景信息只能用从句或短语。（应写作 Now it has solved the problem of food and clothing to a point where it has managed to feed its 1.1 billion people,22 percent of the worlds' total population, with only 7 percent of the world's cultivated land ）例 2 和两种语言对态度结论和事实细节的编排有关。有些语言学家把汉语的信息安排比做自然顺序（事物发生的时间顺序）而把
英语称为突显顺序语言 —— 先说结论、观点次及原因、道理。（例 2 应写做 In 1953, when they learned from diplomatic sources of a third country that the Us and Britain were prepared to attack mainland China and the Chinese troops in Korea with nuclear weapons, the leaders of new China, deeply worried, decided that China must its own atomic bombs and missiles. ）
奈达英语行文三要素 当代英语，挟英美经济，文化之强势，一跃成为全球第一语言。英美民族得益重商传统，务实，不耽于玄思蹈空，行文习惯甚直在欧陆（比如罗曼语系的
西班牙语较喜铺陈藻饰，所谓 flowery elegance ）都显得别具一格，奈达单用三个字概括英语行文的主要特点（论语模式及修辞偏好） (25)(1964:169)
1 、 Bold realism 理性 就内容而言，英美人务实求真，讲话就事论事，直截了当。在句、段上，则讲究文有主旨，句有主题。主题句（尤其是论说文）不可或缺。英语写作非常强调段落主题句（ the topic sentence ）。任何一本英语写作理论书凡谈到段落，都言及主题句。都认为，一个好的段落必须表达一个完整的思想。而完整的思想往往是通过主题句来组织的。主题句表示段落的中心思想，段内其他的句子是对它思想的发展。如 Brooks 这样写道 :“A well-conceived and well-constructed paragraph is a unit, and often this unit is indicated by a key sentence—what is called the topic sentence. The topic sentence states the central thought, which the rest of the paragraph develops. We can think of the topic sentences as a kind of backbone, a spine, which supports the body of the paragraph and around which the rest of the structure is formed.”
2 、 Precision 准确 遣词方面务求准确，简洁，扼要。要言不烦，文字简炼，不重藻饰。其反面幽默和低调陈述大受欢迎，国内学者王佐良称之为 “ 白文最顶事，也最美 ” 可谓知也！美国著名文学家 White 的老师曾经写过一段话， White 称之为成功作家的不二 “ 法门 ”Willianm Strunk Jr ： Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentence, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline ,but that every word counts” 。
3 、 Movement 流畅 奈达讲 “ 运动 ” ，实际上就是人们常说的行文（篇章结构）流畅 / 晓畅、不涩、不滞。英国人 Belloc 甚直称流畅为 “ 散文必须据以受到检验的主要素质 ”Hilaire Belloc 给出的经典定义是： “Lucidity. Lucidity in the full sense of the word, and lucidity does not mean ease of appreciation by the stupidest reader or by the reader with the smallest vocabulary, nor does it mean the expression of ideas which are more easily grasped than others .It means that quality in prose whereby you have had in your mind, however difficult to convey, however unusal, however much requiring the use of terms of which may be unfamiliar, shall in the highest degree of clarity possible reappear in your reader's mind” （那么散文经常必要据以受到检验的主要素质又是什么呢？是晓畅，是在其完整意义上讲的晓畅；但晓畅并非指易于理解，不管读的人如何愚笨或词汇量如何狭窄；也不是指在意思的表达上会比其他的更易于领会。晓畅指的是散文中这样一种素质，凭藉着它，不管你心中的意思是什么，不论它多难表达，多不寻常，多么需大清晰程度上，重新显现在读者的心目之中。） (26)(1986:141)
之所以晓畅重要，不外和散文的目的有关，欲表情达意，扭扭捏捏，夸张铺陈，结结巴巴，晦涩不明都只能起反作用，晓畅平俗的文风就不美吗？不！ Belloc 认为做到了晓畅，文采则会时隐时现于笔下。散文亦然。 “ 散文作家的职务全在达意。他手中的工具必须完全听凭他的驱遣，而绝不可稍许左右他的主人。在表达上他不应去迁就他那工具，只应强迫工具去服从他的需要。但晓畅既是他忠实不渝的志趣，所以即使他这样做时，笔锋所及，仍会出现锦词秀句、妙笔生花的胜致 ” 。 (27)(1986:146) 甚至老式修辞教材讲 Euphony （音韵之美）也因为晓畅至于文采一样，它不过是一种付产品而已， “Euphony 乃是基于表达愿望的一种自然而结果。因为表达本身便是一种具有音乐性的东西。但是如果它当成目的本身去追求，那你的散文就会是华而不实的，这是散文之大忌。 ”(This will come of itself from the desire to express. For expression is of itself ,a musical thing. But if you seek it as an object in itself, then your prose will be saccharine, which is a dreadful thing for prose to be.)((28)(1986:144)
伴随或可能伴随晓畅这一行文第一美德的危险是什么呢？ Swift 称之为 a scarcity of matter （之所以说话流利，是因为没有多少内容）导致 the common fluency of speech in men and women“for whoever is a Master of Language, and hath a mind fall of Ideas, will be ant in speaking to hesitate upon the choice of both”(29)(1989:119). 好在这种危险发生的频率并不高，毕竞康德，海德格尔这样的以晦涩著称的思想家出现的机率以世纪为计算单位。
综上，我们今天据以判断英语文章好坏的主要标准有三点，第一点：言之有物，且直截了当，第二点：要言不烦，简明扼要，第三点：行文晓畅，平俗易懂。这并不是说文章就不需要写得富于文采，讲究灵动，蕴藉之美， 笔者认为在当今世界惟有英美日本两个民族在处理道 / 技关系时最合情理，写作如同艺术 --- 平面或立体 -- 首先是一种技能，大多数人才具平常，应该脚踏实地下苦功夫，这样一条底线会遏制庸才式的狂徒，借口重道混迹其中，粗制滥造。天才毕竟是个别的，惟其如此，真正的大师由技进道（而不是相反），其创造性和灵性决不会受到束缚，反而会借助精湛的技能表现得更加自如、夺目。出于上述考虑，以下选用的坏的写作例句大部分来自国内英语学界的精英人物或权威出版机构，这些例句无一例外违反了上述三项门槛标准。
例 1 、道德经翻译浪潮与治疗西方现代文明的药方 —— （老子道德经 --- 英文翻译书目研究序） Preface to THE INTRALINGUAL AND LNTERLIN-GUAL TRANSLATIONS OF TAO IE CHING THEORY1 ， The marked impact, positive or negative, of western industrial civilization upon the global cultures in the 20th century is universally made so strongly felt among the scholars that none of them would try to belittle its significance ,and it is just against this background that the widespread and enthusiastic reception of Taoism represented by the Book of Tao and Te in the west becomes a challenging subject capturing the attention of modem intellectuals2 ， More and more scholars. western and eastern, attempt to prescribe a remedy of Taoist nature to what is called social maladies believed to be inevitably brought about by that double-edge civilization.
例 1 出自北大英语系某知名教授，博导 . 。 1 属典型的拙句！已经 marked impact, 还要 so strongly felt 已经 ,global cultures 还要 universally made 。且 is universally made so strongly felt 句法上十分可疑，后一句也纯属赘句，可删去。 so that …none of them would try to belittle its significance. 不删则有涉嫌指代不明。 its 指的是 impact 还是 strongly felt 这件事？建议改为： Western civilization has made its impact strongly felt among… 另按英文篇章要求此句应另起一段。）读罢释卷，我们谁能说清此公到底在跟我们兜什么圈子， “bold realism” 要求言之有物，直截了当。 Precision 则视累赘为大忌。， “ 累赘是繁褥文体生的一种恶果。累赘来自怠惰或草率；而累赘在散文中总是缺点，因为它混乱了读者的思想，至于它会使作者变得可笑倒还在其次 ” （ 30 ）（ 1986 ： 147 ）。此公基本上语法无谈，要害是为人为文伪字当头，矫揉造作，狂妄自大（声称不揣冒昧以飨读者）。如此垃圾文字示人，以为天外无天，山外无山，中国无人了吗？
例 2 、 “Shortly after the Sino-Japanese War of 1894-1895,the big powers began to occupy various ports of China by force, which badly upset the Chinese people. The translation expounded the generally acknowledged truth of the law of the jungle ,the survival of the fittest and the preservation of species through unceasing efforts. The book brought a new hope to people who had felt disappointed and disheartened. It became popular with the whole country and was regarded as the best of the translated works. It played an important role in the Re-form Movement.
例 2 、出自外语学界一位行尊级人物之手，据介绍 “20 岁以优异成绩考入北大外语系，师从梁实秋，朱光潜，潘光洵等名家，从而打下了坚实的外语基础。 ” 此公一本语法上可疑，行文上极为幼稚，大多用词简单，结构松散，从语体角度分析，正式程度极低，呈口语化倾向，所论无任何新意的所谓译学名著，居然被国内一家权威出版公司三次重印，简直是中国英语学界的耻辱！
例 2 、不是一般的病句，上海 毛荣贵 老师与美国教师 Houston 评改中国大学生作文时，发现中国学生在造句成篇时完全局限于简单和并列两种 “ 小学生和教育程度低下 ” 者习用的标志性句型 .“One of the hardest sentence patterns for Chinese learners of English to grasp ,it seems to me, is subordination. Mature English writing is heavily subordinated in multiple layers ;coordination is thought of as the sentence pattern of the child and the poorly educated.” （ 31 ）（ 1997 ：前言部分）汉语是一种意合性的语言，写句子是以 “ 意尽为界 ” 。句子的信息容量由于没有语法形式上的限制，弹性很大，一句接着一句，恰似流水，可以无限制地扩展下去。但英语是一种形态语言，以主谓为中心来构筑句子的。只要语法成分齐全，不管对主语的说明有没有完，句子就结束了。如一定要在一句里表示其他意思，可以通过连词和关系代词，加上从句来表达。但它有一个度，不能无限制的扩展下去。这个度不仅受到语法框架的限制，也受到意义的约束，即一个句子只能表达一个有关的意思。
此公的痛苦：身为英语界行尊，师从过 梁实秋 先生 朱光潜 老师，居然英文行文门径都没有摸到。英文不仅要求句有主旨，提炼，概括文意，并以突显语法手段表示，这种对信息重要性的区分决定了句型选择上的差异 —— 是高一级还是低一级语言单位，正如上海 蔡基刚 老师的指出的：表示原因，条件，目的，情况等要用从句，分词短语，一般不用独立句子。除了造句不过关，此公遣词之拙劣亦无以复加！（用词不知语域之别）（ 32 ）（ 2001 ： 296 ）
Yan Fu made contributions the Enlightenment of the bourgeoisie in China. Kang Youwei(1858—1927);Linang Qichao(1873—1929),Tan Sitong (1865—1898)and others were the leading spirits of the Reform Movement of 1898.Yan Fu was among them.“They were engaged in writing articles to found the theory of Constitutional Reform and Modernization or in translating Western works to propagate the bourgeois ideology of Europe .Besides, they founded learned societies, set up schools and published newspapers.”Houston 说得好： “It you use low register words when you make a presentation of your research at a professional convention, you sound ignorant and possibly unworthy of being taken seriously” （ 33 ）（ 1997 ：前言部分）
以下的病句病在作者驱遣词汇的能力仅限于两个静态动词（又称弱化动词）。（ to be/to have ）而运用动态动词才是专业写作的基本标志。
In my opinion, both schools have their strong points and weak points so far as literary translation is concerned. Now there is a tendency to combine their theories into a comprehensive one. As a matter of fact, literary translation has a double nature. That's to say, on the one hand, it is a science with its own laws and methods and on the other, it is an art. Now let's have a further discussion of its double nature in the following:
因为这个问题具有普遍性，不妨再来看两个例子：
位于小镇一边的山坡上是三五成群的羚羊。路边满是盛开的黄花。另一边则是高高的大霍恩山。博得要隘就在近万尺的高处。 国内学界 / 出版社认可的译法是： On one side of the town there are many antelopes in the hills and along the roads are yellow wild flowers. On the other side there is the Big Horns and nearly 10000 feet up. Power Ridge Pass is through them. 然而，专业作家或英国人只能这样写： On one side of the town, antelope abounded by fours and fives in the hills, and yellow wide flowers, lined the roads. On the other side rose the Big Horns and nearly 10000 feet up, Power Ridge pass cut through them.
以下的例子选自国内一家 “ 211” 大学出版的译本英语写作教材。主编者居然把许多该校教师低劣幼稚的英语写作作为范文向学生推荐。下文全文只用到了两个静态动词。 Education and the Market As the socialist market economy in China is expanding, education is becoming more closely related to the market. In a broad sense, all the modern society is based on the market economy. As part of the society, education cannot be separated from market. On the contrary, the former has much to do with the latter. Therefore, it is generally believed that education serves the market and the latter, in turn, supports the former.
The reason for education to enter the market is obvious. As a developing country, Chins is not likely invest a huge amount of money in education in the near future. Education has to turn to the market to find its own way. It is important to note that teachers' way of production is to teach and train students. The students 'knowledge is an invisible product. In addition, their services to students and society are valuable. So education has to be run in accordance with the law of value to realize the aim that students pay for their education and find jobs for themselves rather than being assigned jobs by the State.
Personally. I think education is an independent industry between students and the market. It is the indispensable link between the two. So my conclusion is that since science and technology and talented people can enter the market, it is a matter of course for education to enter the market.( 朱泰祺 老师写 ) （ 35 ）（ 1999 ： 164 ）
例 3 摘要一则 翻译准则 —— 图瑞翻译理论的核心 xx （南开大学博士） 原载 2001 年第 x 期 《 xxxxxxx 》 以色列学者吉蒂昂 · 图瑞被公认为世界著名的有影响的翻译理论家。本文概括述了代表图瑞翻译思想的三方面研究，提出翻译准则是对图瑞翻译思想的概括，关于翻译准则的研究成为翻译研究的中心内容。本文旨在分析了解西方翻译理论的新发展，并期待中国翻译理论研究范围的拓宽和系统化深入发展。
The lsraeli Scholar ， Gideon Toury is regarded as a prominent and influential translation theorist in the world for his remarkable achievements. This paper presents a brief analysis of his recent translation studies in reference to three respects, which are representative of Toury's viewpoints in translation ， It posits that translation norms are central to Toury's contributions and to translation studies ． The present study aims at introducing and understanding new developments in the West ， Comprehensive and systematic studies in translation are expected to promote translation studies in China 。
例 3 、是共和国近年来培养的英语专业博士的手笔 。但这篇摘要，毛病一仍其旧，语法上小于句子单位的成分似乎未见 “ 硬伤 ” ，但从篇章角度看，内在的粘着性很差，主要原因， x 先生对中、英文造句的规律一知半解。许多句子在汉语中无懈可击，一经照搬，进入英语则面目全非，这种机械对应暴露了使用者英语表达能力低下的弱点。（五个简单句相加，文意疏松，没有什么联系， It posits 这样指代不明的错误都故犯！）说它违反 Nida 三原则是轻，该生的英文写作止于中学水平， 居然以 博士身份毕业于周总理的母校较令人闻之惊心！
例 4, 某省龙舟节文宣：中华大地，江河纵横，华夏文化，源远流长 …… （然后才讲到本地，再讲到龙舟节），轻快的龙舟如银河流星，瑰丽的彩船似海市蜃楼，两岸那金碧辉煌的彩楼连成一片水晶宫，是仙境？是梦境？仰视彩鸽翩飞，低眸漂灯流霓，焰火怒放，火树银花，灯舞回旋，千姿百态，气垫船腾起一江春潮，射击手点破满天彩球，跳伞键儿绽放空中花蕾。抢鸭勇士谱水上凯歌 …… 啊！ ×× 城是不夜城，龙舟会是群英会。
The divine land of China has its rivers flowing across; the brilliant culture of China has its roots tracing back long……The lightsome dragon boats appear on the river as though the stars twinkle in the milky way .The richly decorated pleasure boats look like a scene of mirage. The splendid awnings in green and gold ,chain into a palace of crystal. Is this a fairy land or a mere dream? Looking above you can see the doves flying about ;looking below, you can see the sailing lamps glittering. Cracking are the fireworks, which present you a picture of fiery trees and silver flowers, circling are the lantern-dancers, who present you with a variation of exquisite manner .Over there, the motor boats are plowing the water, thus a tide stirs up. Over there, the marksman are shooting to the targets, thus colorful beads whirl around…All claim a strong appeal to you. Therefore, we should say, xx is a city of no light; its Dragon Boat Festival a gathering of heroes.
例 5 ，天津师大文宣： 天津师范大学是一所综合性的重点高等师范院校，诞生于 1958 年，随着共和国的成长，她也历经磨砺，走过了三十多年的风风雨雨，三十多年来，一批批德才兼备的教学、科研和管理人员会集在这里，怀着振兴天津，振兴教育的希冀，在这块土地上默默地耕耘，春华秋实，硕果累累、两万多名教育教学人才走出学校大门，足迹遍及全国，桃李满天下，他们献身教育，殚精竭虑，为撑起教育的脊梁，托起明天。
Founded in 1958,the University has entered its fourth decade with a remarkable record of both hardship and achievements .It is now ranked as one of the key institutions of teacher training in China along with the growth of the Republic she has stormed 30 difficult years of wind and rain. in the past thirty years , hundreds of talented teachers , researchers and administrators have gathered and worked here in the hope of rejuvenating Tianjin and education, and they silently plowed on this piece of land in a continuous endeavor to meet the ever-increasing demands for educators both in Tianjin and the rest of the country . Flowers bloom gloriously in spring , and fruits hang heavy in autumn. More than 20 thousand students have graduated from the University and are mow teaching nation-wide. Their footprints are all over the country and they bear fruits like peaches and plums all over the world. They have dedicated their wisdom and energy to the educational needs of the country to prop up the backbone of education and the rising sun of tomorrow in the firm conviction that the future of China lies in the education of the younger generation.
例 4/ 例 5 ，文通字顺，语法基本无误，似乎满足了晓畅的基本要求，然距英人（ bold realism and precision ）不可道里计！ Kaplan 开创的比较修辞研究注意到中国人行文多螺旋结构且喜藻饰，堆砌。虽有西人 Scholle 轻描淡写为 “ 偏好 ” ，但我观当代人们（中西皆然）喜闻乐见还是英语的简洁和理性。中国人遣词华丽，文采浓郁，旁征博引，滥用典故，堆砌比喻的审美标准并不符合现代文明的主流。
以上译例 / 写作例证（除 4 、 5 违反英语修辞习惯）表面上违反 Nida 行文三原则：讲求理性和言之有物，文字简明扼要，行文要平易流畅，实质上，反映一个更重要的职业准入问题，董桥说女怕老，文怕嫩，遣词造句甚至不能保证语法无误，语言地道，一个人怎么可以被授予语言博士 / 教授的学衔？这个问题从体制上讲，是失察、失范，从学术上讲，是职业准入（语级）标准严重混乱。
语级问题。 语级就是话语的语体级别，如高雅的文学语言，日常语言，通俗语言，俚语等等。语体级别一词，根据语言学者 Chevalier 的解释是 “ 按照环境、主题之要求，采用某种特定说法 ” ，因此必须注意到情景、论题、说话人的境遇、地位等因素，而只有掌握语级的能力才能真正进行结合情景、言之得体的语言表达。凡是能熟练运用母语的人，或多或少懂得语体级别，即在语言素材上，有识别各级不同语体的语言能力，因而在语言的表达上，能结合人、时、地等不同因素作出恰当的选择。但讲外国话，一般来说，只求能达意，讲的多是中性信息语言，基本谈不上进行语域差别的语言表达。但我们的当事人毕竟不是谋取稻梁的升斗小民（专科乃业专业外语系毕业充作导游乃至省政府外办工作人员）他们的 “ 存在理由 ” 是专业全职的语言研究者，而这一资格的认定有赖于他们在使用语言时，不能仅以达意 / 达旨自欺。运用英语语级涉及到两个层面。
1 ，善于驱遣调动词汇资源，动词指动态动词和分析表达法（相对综合表达法 to foul-----to make dirty ）。名词指同义词。这是因为 “ 英语词汇有两个来源，一个是盎格鲁一撤克逊词，另一个来自拉丁语、希腊语或
法语词 “ （ Palmer,1976 ）。这种同义词数量很多。
外来词 本族词 外来词 本族词
amicable friendly cordial heartily
mansion house domestic homely
corporeal bodily conceal hide
universe world inquire/interrogate ask
conclude end flame/conflagration fire
age/epoch time terror/trepidation fear
stomach/abdomen belly sacred/consecrated holy
